


all the king's horses and all the king's men (couldn't put Humpty together again)

by ohcaeiguess



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Character Study, Episode 6, Extended Metaphors, Gen, but it's okay because he started it, canon-typical improper teaching methods, like just dragging it along with me down the freeway until it dies, probably too much information about rubik's cubes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:00:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24877327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohcaeiguess/pseuds/ohcaeiguess
Summary: “The fastest way to solve a Rubik’s cube,” he grins, wedging the tip of a knife between two brightly-colored squares, “is to break it apart.”He’s wrong.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	all the king's horses and all the king's men (couldn't put Humpty together again)

**Author's Note:**

> So, my brother was a speedcuber (competitive solver of Rubik's cubes) for a number of years, and as such every time I watch or even think about this scene from episode six, I get irrationally angry. More specifics in the end notes.

“The fastest way to solve a Rubik’s cube,” he grins, wedging the tip of a knife between two brightly-colored squares, “is to break it apart.”

He’s wrong.

That will take about two minutes. Less than learning to solve it properly; that would take several hours a day for at least a week, and require constant practice to stay quick.

Then, each puzzle would only take about thirty seconds. 

His method would never take any less than twice that; it’s only faster if you rarely bother to solve a cube, if it’s not important enough to invest time in.

The fact that he’s not talking about toys makes it worse.

Certainly he does not expect to only have a handful of students succeed. So why does he insist on breaking? If he is so ignorant to anything beyond sheer intimidation, how can he expect to impart anything besides fear?

He can make his students into high achievers by banishing his lowest scorers, but then a fifth of his students will always be performing below his expectations. Those who are not banished will be scared enough to study, incentivized enough to score high, but not comfortable enough to take the risks that would help them achieve at the next level once they made it there.

Creating successful children is his job. He clearly takes it very seriously; he spends hours a day scheming up ruthless new ways to break them, and shunts off anyone who can’t put themself back together.

If he spent those hours learning how they actually work, perhaps all his students would succeed.

Twenty-one pieces of plastic fall unceremoniously to the floor. He never bothers to put them back together.

**Author's Note:**

> So I hate this scene. Because probably to most people, like to me the first time I watched it, what he says is true, and it's just what's implied about the way he treats his students that we know to be cruel and false. But then, I watched the show again, and knew a little more about Rubik's cubes, and realized that he's just flat-out wrong. Then I watched it a third time and realized that the way in which he's wrong actually works even better than his original metaphor. Then I watched it a forth time, felt the rage well up within me, and wrote.
> 
> Working title was "God I am just so fucking pissed about that rubik's cube metaphor from assassination classroom even though it still works so well as a metaphor for the principal in the way that it's wrong."


End file.
